EPISODE GUIDE SEASON 4

Camille:

Kryten, Red Dwarf's on board mechanoid, rescues a female droid - Camille - from a crashed vessel. She's a 4000 series just like him, only a GTi model with realistic toes and a slide-back sunroof head. Kryten finds himself falling in advanced mutual compatibility on the basis of a primary ident (what humans call "love at first sight") only to find that true advanced mutual compatibility never runs in a non-glitch, bug-free way. Kryten attempts to learn the finer points of lying by, erm, describing an apple as "The Bolivian Navy on manoeuvres in the South Pacific." The Cat meets his ideal mate - and it turns out to be himself. "Can you think of anyone more deserving?" Kryten loses Camille to Hector the blob, but is quite philosophical about it: "It's the old, old story - droid meets droid, droid becomes chameleon, droid loses chameleon, chameleon turns into blob, droid gets blob back again. Blob meets blob, blob goes off with blob and droid loses blob, chameleon and droid. How many times have we seen that story?"

DNA:

The crew lock on to an unidentified craft containing the ultimate genetic engineering technology - a machine that can transform any living thing into any other living thing, by re-writing its DNA. A blessing or a curse? Then Lister's curry finds its way into the transmogrifier and assumes near-human form. Lister gets caught in the transmogrifier's beam and is transformed into...a chicken. Oh, and then a hamster. Kryten becomes disappointed with his new body - the nipples don't work, there's no zoom function, and there have been occurrences in his underpants so bizarre that he's been taking photographs to show Lister. Lister realises what it will take to destroy the curry monster: "Of course! Lager! The only thing that can kill a vindaloo!"

Justice:

Innate justice does not exist anywhere in the known universe except, that is, for Justice World, an abandoned penal colony equipped with a "justice field" which inflicts the consequences of a crime on its perpetrator. The innocent have nothing to fear. Rimmer is in big trouble. Lister's puss-filled head bursts: "Talk about a weight off your mind!" Rimmer's trial. "Would Lister describe the accused as a friend?" "No, I'd describe the accused as a git." "Are there no others who have shared moments of intimacy with him?" "Only one, but she's got a puncture." Lister and the simulant battle in the Justice Zone.

White Hole:

Holly regains her genius level IQ and for reasons best known to herself powers down the ship, leaving the crew drifting helplessly towards a White Hole. Will Rimmer sacrifice his hologramatic life to save the rest of the crew? "Howdy doodly doo!" Kryten repairs the utterly irritating Talkie Toaster after the accident, "Why, that was no accident - that was first degree toastercide." Lister becomes concerned that his lack of attention in science class may be his undoing: "Why did I always turn to page 47 and start drawing little beards and moustaches on the sperms?" The deciding vote for planet pool goes to the Cat, and even though he thinks Rimmer's right, "I could not bring myself to vote for someone with your dress sense. I don't want to put my cross next to the bri-nylon party!"

Dimension Jump:

In a universe almost identical to our own, another Arnold Rimmer exists. A test pilot in the Space Corps, he is charming, popular, brave and modest. After his test craft breaks the speed of reality, he finds himself face to face with his counterpart aboard Red Dwarf. Bongo, Ace Rimmer's commanding officer, has a hunch Ace might be returning: "Rubber shares went up this morning." To close the show, Rimmer conducts the skutters in a Hammond organ version of the Red Dwarf theme tune.

Meltdown:

A matter transporter whisks the crew to Waxworld - a giant theme park, where the waxdroids have broken their programming, and are running amok. Hitler, Caligula and the Boston Strangler lead an army of darkness against the forces of Elvis, Gandhi and Stan Laurel. Lister teaches Rimmer a lesson by swallowing his light bee: "He'll come out in a couple of days. Does anyone fancy a vindaloo?" Elvis closes the show with his rendition of the Red Dwarf theme. "Thank you very much."

SEASON 5

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