EPISODE GUIDE SEASON 3
The Red Dwarf crew return to Earth to find Time is running backwards. With some brilliant trick photography and ingenious stunts, this now-classic episode heralds the arrival of the new-look Red Dwarf. Lister poses perhaps the universe's most vital question to the Cat, "D'you ever see The Flintstones? Do you think Wilma's sexy?" The pub unexplodes into a massive backwards brawl, leaving Rimmer to cower under a table as Lister is unthrown through a window. The Cat emerges from the bushes having discovered that bowel movements are infinitely less satisfying in a reverse reality.
As Red Dwarf heads on a collision course towards a minefield of Black Holes, the crew is forced to abandon ship. Lister finds himself marooned on an arctic moon with Rimmer and only a pot noodle and a tin of dog food between him and starvation. Lister explains how he lost his virginity, aged 12, on Bootle Municipal Golf Course. "Twelve!" Exclaims Rimmer, "You can't have been a full member of the golf club." To avoid starvation, Lister swallows a mouthful of dog food. Probably a wise decision given the alternative - a pot noodle. Lister agrees to sacrifice his guitar to the fire and is given a moment alone to say goodbye. Then he cuts a guitar-shaped piece of wood from Rimmer's father's camphor-wood chest...
A chameleonic genetic mutant which salivates unspeakable slobber gets loose aboard Red Dwarf, and the nightmare begins. The crew are subjected to twenty-four hours of non-stop horror in a gruesome, petrifying comedy blood-feast. The Cat elects not to eat with the gear Lister's nicked from the medical unit: "You think I've got nothing better to do than sit around watching you serve chicken chausseur in a stool bucket?" The shrinking boxer shorts scene. Enough said. Drained of his anger, Rimmer holds a crew meeting, the upshot of which is to hit the Polymorph hard and fast with a major leaflet campaign.
A skutter goes berserk and rewires all the ship's circuitry. So when Lister orders a chocolate bar from one of the snack dispensers, he accidentally triggers off the ship's self-destruct sequence. There is only one way to diffuse the bomb, but it involves Lister lending his body to a female officer. This gets Rimmer thinking... Lister accidentally sets off the self-destruct system by ordering a milkshake and a crispy bar. Lister's mind is safely stowed onto tape - which the Cat promptly drops into his tea. Rimmer emerges from the wreckage of Starbug in Lister's body. "You've lost me arm!" Lister bemoans. "I've lost your watch, too," responds Rimmer.
The crew of the Red Dwarf run amok through history, blithely ignoring the consequences of causality. When Kryten discovers some mutated developing fluid which prints photographs the crew can walk into, they find they are able to change their pasts. Lister stands at Nurenberg with Hitler, yelling to the crowd, "Ignore him! He's a complete and total nutter! And he's only got one testicle!" Rimmer decides to retrieve Lister from his wealthy, sex-filled fate. "It's my duty," he insists. "My duty as a complete and utter bastard!" Realising he has somehow been brought to life, Rimmer issues his orders: "Kryten! Unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit!"
The Last Day:
Kryten discovers his built-in expiry date is almost up and he has less than twenty-four hours to live. The crew are determined to give the mechanoid the best night of his life. For the first time, he experiences true pleasure and wants to delay his ascent into Silicon Heaven, the resting place for all electrical appliances. Then his replacement shows up... Famous firsts: Lister's first drunken binge, puking from the top of the Eiffel Tower (the resulting mess was later sold to a Texan tourist as a genuine Jackson Pollock); and Rimmer's first French kiss - with his unknowing uncle Frank, who snuck into his room in the middle of the night and mistook Rimmer for his mother. Hudzen's promo vid shows off his strength by breaking a brick in two. Without his hands. Put it this way, he's got more interesting things down there than a vacuum cleaner socket. The crew elect to support Kryten. "Is this the human value you call 'friendship'?" the mechanoid asks. "Don't give me this Star Trek crap, it's too early in the morning," snaps Lister.